Thursday, April 25, 2013

Golf and Bullshit

Although I have played golf a few times in my life I don’t consider myself a golfer and I realize that I know nothing of the sport but for some reason golf is the sport of the medical field and everyone is a master except me of course. If golfers had mascots they would be doctors. Doctors and other medical professionals that talk to me usually at some point try to talk golf. It’s funny to see their reaction after they get done telling me how good they are and I reply “eh, I’m not a golfer.” It’s like I broke some sort of covenant for medical professionals. They make it seem as if I’m a spy for the other sports sent to infiltrate and get intel on the doctor/golf alliance. There is usually a short silence followed by a sudden, “ok, well see you later,” like they shouldn’t be talking to me.  They never look at me the same afterwards.

If you want someone to believe a load of crap that you are about to give them say it with one of three things; use a percentage, start the phrase with, “scientists say...,” or tell your audience you read it in an article. For instance 84.7% of people will believe anything you tell them when there is a percentage involved. Scientist say breathing under water can be achieved by humans who have a gullible gene. The article I read stated that you see better when you are scared. Now aside from “believe anything you tell them” and “gullible gene” those past few statements seem legit. So next time you want to throw around some bullshit to your friends just remember to add one of the three things to your crap to make it seem possible. By the way I don’t know if you can really see better when you are scared.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Best way to SHAVE money

I'm am  man with a beard, but damn it if I didnt have a beard I would join this club not just to SHAVE money but because the opening ad is F**** awesome.

Click it, you know you wanna!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

 First let me just say that the conclusion of the MRI stated that I have a "normal brain." A normal brain? I don't know how accurate that MRI was but it may have been a little off on that conclusion.

Second, why don't they play music in public bathrooms? I mean really? I have know interest in hearing the person next to me using the toilet. 
Third, how did Slash's hair never catch on fire? You know that hair had some flammable products in it, plus I'm sure his breathe was one shot shy of being a reliable fuel source, and with a lit cigarette always hanging from his mouth... he cheated death or just traumatic baldness.

And lastly, this was a bumper stick of a car in a parking lot. Let me just point out that it was about the size of a normal bumper sticker somewhere around eight inches long and four inches high. But it's not just a few words like, "Shit happens" or "have a nice day." No its the longest sentence in the world. If I was driving and this person was in front of me I would have wrecked trying to read that. Even more I would have to have buried my car into his trunk just to get close enough to read it. When i took the picture I was standing about three feet away and was still struggling to read it. All that aside, after reading it I said to myself, "what the F**** did I just read?" So I read it again. Then again. After the fourth or fifth time I started to get the point of it... I think. Basically I took it as saying, "be yourself." Why didn't it just say that? Thanks a lot Phillip Clapham for making me waste 15 minutes of my life trying to figure out what you are saying. In all honesty he did make it sound cool.

Quote: read the bumper sticker from above.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Banff and MRI

I recently had an MRI of my head just to prove that I do have a brain, which is a billable diagnosis. After the results came back positive for a brain, there were other issues that had shown up. Like for instance the fact that I have a dent in the top of my head. I relate that to one of two things; 1) having an older brother who like to wrestle or 2) I fell on top of my head climbing out of the screen door to escape the confined spaces of the living room when I was a baby, both of which very possible causes. The second area of concern is the knot/bump on the back/top of my head. Again, I relate it to one of the reasons above or from one of the million times I have banged my head on something over the years, ask Nick he can tell you.
 After work and a bite to eat amber and I headed to Wexner Center for the Arts to watch some videos form the Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour. Basically it’s a collection of outdoor films which included amputees climbing, skiing in Afghanistan, two Brits climbing large cracks out west, a close call in a kayak, and a dog that chases his owner as he races down the mountain on his mountain bike. We also bumped into an old friend and her family and got to enjoy the film in good company. It was something that I’ve wanted to see for the past few years and I finally got to check it off the list. Oh, and I won a hat.  All around it was a good day.